Last night I decided I wanted to try to get Kailyn to sleep in her crib. She's 2 and a half months old and again, I'm just physically uncomfortable with her sleeping next to me in our bed. Plus, there have been a few incidences where we were sort of smushing her and I don't want her to be in danger every night. One more reason, I heard she'd sleep better if we weren't squirming around all night and waking her up, which totally does happen right now. She doesn't fully wake up but she stirs and wiggles till she falls back asleep. We just have to be very careful and I am just wondering if there was a nice way we can get her into her own crib.
So last night, I did some research and I found a 'Cry it out, Adjusted' method. It's where you make sure she's fed, changed, and dressed before bed and you do your bedtime routine and put her in the crib with soothing music playing. Then, if she starts crying, you go in and rub her back and sing or whatever for one minute, say goodnight and leave. Then if she's still crying, you set the timer for 5 minutes and when the time passes, go back in and soothe her again. You do five minutes twice and then you do ten minutes the next few times. However many times it takes for her to fall asleep. They say that this way she knows you are there for her and you are not just leaving her all alone without having any idea what's going on, but you don't pick her up so you can help her to sleep in her own and learn to soothe herself to sleep. So I tried this last night for one hour while she screamed her head off the whole time and during this, I did some more sleep research. What I learned was, I think that this is the regular 'Cry it out' (CIO) method pretty much, which I'm sort of against. I heard that it makes the baby cope with stress worse later on because crying so long releases a hormone, cortisol, and it's supposedly bad in the long run somehow. Also, their heads start to ache really bad and it makes their voice all raspy and they experience all this fear and sadness and I've just heard that it's not good do the CIO method. I read all these message boards where women were consoling each other about having used the CIO method, but they all mostly needed to do something because their babies wouldn't co-sleep and the mothers sometimes worked and were just super exhausted from never getting any sleep so they did the CIO method for a few nights and afterwards everyone was a lot happier and now they are all more well-adjusted. I didn't think I fit into that kind of category because I don't work, I'm not exhausted and crabby all the time from lack of sleep, and my baby does co-sleep, and even pretty well actually. I just thought I'd rather try to get her out now while it's earlier so we'd have an easier time adjusting instead of waiting till she was more attached. But then I thought, maybe right now she is too young to have to get sleep trained, especially since she still eats once during the night and I'm not sure I can tell the difference between crying because she's sad about being in her crib and crying because she's starving since she wakes up at different times to feed. Like I said, I did the CIO adjusted method for about an hour and when I decided that it was essentially the same as the CIO method, I picked her up and fed her and she was fussy but eventually we all went to sleep after another couple hours and we were fine the rest of the night.
Anyway, my point is, what are some of my options? On the one hand, I could just keep everything the same and sleep with her in my bed until she's older and more ready. But would that just draw the process out and make it harder later? Does she ever get more ready to sleep on her own? And if so, do I just need to be uncomfortable till then? By the way, right now I can put her to sleep pretty easy by rocking her. Do I need to jeopardize my current peaceful rocking-to-sleep routine to get her learn to put herself to sleep, which would be a lot harder? And if I just keep rocking her to sleep, will she grow up always having a hard time falling asleep on her own? I always fall asleep super easy without any aids so I wonder what my mom did but she's not exactly around to ask so I don't know. Plus does that even have an effect on how you fall asleep as an adult? I could also try the CIO adjusted method and not give up after an hour. But does that traumatize my baby? Are there even other ways to get her to sleep in her crib without letting her CIO? I have trouble putting her down to sleep ever. She likes to sleep on people. All the internet advice says that you should put your baby in her crib when she is still awake but drowsy. That does not work for us. If I put her down while she's drowsy, she wakes up entirely and starts fussing again. If I wait till she's lightly asleep, she does the same thing. If I wait till she's in a deeper sleep and her limbs are limp, I have like a 30% chance she'll sleep for like an hour and a 70% chance she'll wake up right away and become fussy again. So another option I'm sort of working on is trying to put her down to sleep in her crib during the day more, so she can try to start liking her crib. Also, I'm trying to let her play in her room more for the same reason because besides the past two days, we hardly ever go in her room at all anyway. So I want her to start getting used to being in there while she's in a good mood and I don't want her transition to be too rough like going from sleeping next to mommy all night to all the sudden being all alone in this dark strange room with no one there to comfort her. I also have a blanket I slept on in her crib to help her feel like my scent is still with her there but I'm not sure that has done anything. And just FYI, I have a pack n play in my room, but like I said putting her down ever is hard so I don't know if I want to try to transition her there first and then have to do it again into her crib in her room because it's still just as hard to do that as to go straight to her room. I've also considered sleeping on a little makeshift bed in her room with her and then sneaking out until she's ready to eat, but that doesn't get her in a crib either or teach her to fall asleep on her own while she's drowsy, plus she'd be on the floor, which is sad to me. So I don't know if that even addresses my issue.
I know that I've already gotten a little sleep advice since I was worrying about this when she was 3 weeks old, but I need some more. Please tell me what you think I could do, what are some options, what you who are moms have done, what you've heard about others doing, even if I've already heard from you. I need some ideas. I want Kailyn to sleep in her crib but I don't know how to do that. I am open to many ideas so let me know your thoughts please.
Thursday, January 21, 2010
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10 comments:
Kasey, you need to do what you feel most comfortable with. Honestly, it's called a Mother's instinct, and it works a whole lot better than googling cr*p!! Sorry, I'm not a believer in letting a baby cry. I also don't believe in co-sleeping although I did with Audrey for a long time. Her case was different. My babes stayed in their cradles and bassinets until they were turning and then moved to their cribs...beside me....in my room or the one right by my room. I also used a rocking chair but then that was my pleasure. I'm a SAHM...it was what my husband and I chose to be the best for us. Listen to your instincts. Good luck!
Don't you love getting advice? It just helps draw your own conclusions ;-). In my personal experience, internet research sometimes stresses me out more. I've tried the cry it ou method several times and it did not work with Taylor. In his 3 years of life, he has slept MANY MORE nights in our bed than I ever expected. He has had good times and bad times. It may be that Kailyn is in one of those "bad times" but that won't scar her for life. As Taylor has gotten older, it's easier to reason with him more. When he was 2, and refused to sleep in his crib, I would sit outside his bedroom and let him cry it out. Everytime he got out of his bed, I would put him back in. But, I had to make sure I wasn't frustrated. I would get a book and read or something. Every child is a different sleeper. My mom said I was a horrible sleeper and Michele was an angel sleeper. Just recently, I have looked back on pictures and videos of Taylor and realized I got too frustrated over things that really didn't matter. Just do what's best for your situation and don't worry about what "your suppose to do." Good luck! Love ya!
Sounds like you're following your instincts, which is great.
In my opinion and experience, babies learn to fall asleep and stay asleep on their own when they are developmentally ready, and not a moment before.
Also, in my experience, babies that were "forced" to sleep on their own and cry for HOURS as a method of "sleep training" are much more clingy, won't leave their mom, and have problems with independence. Next time you notice a clingy toddler, ask the mom, "Did you do 'cry it out'?" I bet the answer will be yes.
I need to point out and admit that I have let my kids cry in their cribs because I was just too tired. It was rare, but it did happen. Here's my method for at least the first 6 to 9 months: I nursed them until they were good and asleep and then put them to bed. If they started to stir, I nursed again and tried again. Or I slept in bed with them. Pretty soon, they got better and better at staying asleep after falling asleep, and now they go to sleep without nursing at all.
Here's a book to try: The No Cry Sleep Solution by Elizabeth Pantley.
Kailyn is still young yet. She is acting like a normal baby. You are not doomed to have a bad sleeper because you give her the care she needs at night.
She is still really young and will learn to sleep little by little, on her terms.
I like your idea of having her sleep in her room during the day. You could also have her start in her crib at night, then transition to your bed once she wakes up. Little by little, she'll spend more and more time in her own crib.
Good work, Kasey! You're absolutely amazing.
One last point on Cry It Out (sounds like you don't need this, since you're already looking for other methods): Any sleep training method can seriously hurt your milk supply, so just beware :)
Hugs and kisses!
Alright. 1. Playing and napping in her room is a great idea. When she is happy in there in the daytime, she might recognize it and be ok at night. It's better than not, let's say. (things are different in the dark) I think that rocking her to sleep in her room is a step. Then put her down earlier and earlier in the rocking process. But stay for a bit. If/when she wakes whern you set her down, rub or pat her back until she is calm and sleepy again. Everything with new babies is a step by step process. So take steps. Rock her in her room for a few days and still take her with you, maybe move her later in the night. Then then rock her but put her in her own bed. Stay when she wakes but don't pick her back up. Just rub and pat her back. I think a little crying without immediate response is good. I mean you're her mom and you love her and you'll be there for her, but lots of times things aren't instant.
I'm not saying she needs to learn patience and hard life lessons now, but she can and will be ok and calm down without you there. I get not wanting to stress her now, but taking steps in that direction will make your life slightly more easy a little at a time until it is just that easy. Good night routine, in your bed sleepy girl, mommy and daddy love you, see you in the morning {kiss}, walk away. sleep in your own bed with your husband and no baby until the morning (or late night feeding, which will go away).
Little steps. It took 9 monthes for her to come out of you, it's going to take her a little time to get used to any new situation.
Kisses to Kailyn, and Goodnights' sleep to you and Garrett.
I'll tell you my opinion once I have kids and get an opinion. In the mean time you are an awesome Mommy to Miss Kailyn and I'm going to ask you for tons of advice once I have my own little chittlins because by then, you'll be the pro!
What a humble woman you are Kasey. It sounds like you're not letting yourself get too overwhelmed by all the information your learning.
I fed my young babies a lot like Marilee described--feeding they fell asleep then putting them in their crib to sleep till they woke up again.
Especially in the winter time I made their crib as comfortable as I could. I put them on their sides (easily done since they nursed on their sides) propped against a rolled-up receiving blanket. I put another folded blanket above their heads and in front of them to help hold in warmth and to help them feel safer. Before I nursed at night I made sure they were wrapped well (not too tight but not too loose) in a receiving blanket, then, when they fell asleep, put them still wrapped in that blanket down in their crib and lay a crib blanket across them up to their shoulders. I always had what we called silkies under their face--a burp clothe made of silky/fuzzy fabric. Even now, a fuzzy blanket makes going to bed easier for my two-year-old when he feels sick.
When I got better at nursing and could nurse laying down I'd go lay down with my baby on the couch, by the light of the muted TV set the baby to nurse, cuddle in a blanket, and fall asleep. When I woke up we’d switch sides or I’d put the baby in his crib.
Still, I didn’t sleep well until my babies started sleeping longer at night—I’m remembering 6-8 months but I could be remembering wrong. I looked forward to my babies’ first birthdays—life seemed to get so much easier after that first year.
Good luck, I know you’ll find what works best for you.
Stafford was a horrible baby for putting in his bed. I remember when he was 4 months old thinking he would never sleep in his own bed. I spent more time sleeping in the lazy boy than in my own bed. Eventually, he learned to sleep in his own bed. Now he loves to sleep and enjoys it. You are a GREAT mother and I am so proud of you for caring so much about Kailyn and what is best for her. I have never been a fan of forced sleeping mostly because I couldn't stand it and because I didn't want to stress out my baby. From my experience with Kailyn, she is being very typical for her age. She will favor you more and more all the time as she grows. I hope she always wants her grandma, but I am prepared for the few months she will only want you.
Hey Kasey, many people do things there own way and you will find out what works for you. I think that she should sleep in her own bed. It will be a lot easier now to get her in her bed then later!
She will learn and find her own way to fall asleep, and she will not remember when she is older that she cried herself to sleep. I dont think u should make a bed in her room. Having 2 kids so far you both will sleep better in your own bed and you need that time with your husband! Both of my girls cried their selfs to sleep a couple of nights and Im not a bad mother because of that. I hope everything works out for you. You can call or write me if you have any questions! I know what you are going through!!!!
Kasey,
I let Easton sleep in bed with us a few times when I was so tired and didn't want to get up, but for the first 6 weeks he slept in his bassenett right next to the bed. But during the night he would make noises and move and every time I would wake up thinking something was wrong. So at 6 weeks instead of putting him to sleep in his bassenett we put him in his crib and he has been there ever since. I understand when you say she won't stay asleep when you put her down, Easton did the exact same thing!! He did it for at least a month and then finally stopped for one reason. So if she keeps waking up when you set her down, do not worry I am sure it is just a phase and she will stop soon. But I agree with your idea to have her sleep in her crib during the day, it helps her get used to it. Another thing that might help is when she falls asleep in your arms put her down right away so that she doesnt get used to staying in your arms while she sleeps. But maybe it would work better for you if you waited till she got past the waking up phase every time you put her down to put her in her crib. So then when she was past it you could just put her in her crib and she would sleep. I hope this helps it is just my advice based on what i have experienced with a baby only a month older than yours.
Hello Little Mama, Advice...you got a lot of good advice, everyone has their own little method. I would feed them, rock them to sleep and put them in their own crib. Later after I had more and they were close together some of them landed up in our bed for a way for me to get some sleep. I don't like to let them cry for more than a few minutes. It is a gradual process, although you may feel it takes forever at times. When they woke up my goal was to get them back in their own bed because I found that all of us slept better that way. I kept them in my room for about 3 months and then they moved crib and all to their own room (with the rest of the children). I would get up feed them and then put them back in their bed. The last one managed to sleep with us entirely too long and it was not good for her or me. I do not reccommend it unless your baby is ill and needs to be watched closely, or you are just hoping to get some much needed sleep after several long sleepless nights. It is good to educate yourself but your maternal instincts are the best. You can also pray about what is the best thing to do and you will be surprised that you will get answers to what to do in all circumstances with raising children. I don't think your mom let you cry she was too much of a loving person to let her babies cry. Hang in there, these years pass by way too fast and soon she will be grown and on her own and all this will be a faded memory. But the feeling of love for your child will grow stronger year after year.
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