Thursday, December 3, 2009
I think I need some...
Encouragement. This last month has sort of been one of the worst months of my life. I've had a really difficult time nursing and it seems to only get harder. I want to continue because it's best for the baby and also free, but I think I am going crazy. Tonight, in particular, I have nursed her for 4 of 4 and a half hours and she still seems hungry. She might be going through a growth spurt but I have never been more exhausted than I am now. It's 4:30 in the morning and I have gotten NO SLEEP. And she keeps screaming her head off. There may be something wrong with her so we'll check into it, but I also think there is something wrong with me. Why do I not enjoy nursing? Everyone talks about this great bond between you and the baby, but I'm not even convinced she likes me at all. Plus, I feel like all I do is nurse and it's stressful and it hurts, even when she's latched on right (because I've seen the lactation specialist several times and she told me so- she said a little pain is normal, especially at first). I have no time for anything else, which is okay I guess because that's what we bargained for in getting pregnant. But how come I don't feel like there are any benefits coming from it? I know she's growing so that's good. And I know that we're "bonding" each time we sit down to nurse. Yet I feel like she hates me more each time and I don't feel any satisfaction so far. I compare my ability to nurture her with others who seem to be better at it, and it makes me feel like I want to quit. Even though that's not really a possibility, I am a basketcase and I don't know what to do. I need someone to tell me that nursing and parenting is all worth it and it gets better and I'm doing well and I'm not alone in feeling awful about this.
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12 comments:
Kasey,
Take a deep breath; calm down; all is well. I nursed all of my babies but had trouble with my first. Only, ONLY because I would not settle down. EAT! AND more importantly, DRINK, lots of water! It's natural for newborns to be a little grumpy...they're learning, too. Sleep when she does. Seriously, your house can wait as can everything else. It's best for you and her and your husband and it is truly just a small portion of her life. AND most importantly, when you feel at your lowest, PRAY!H most definitley listens to new mothers! Email me (VicWeave@aol.com)and I'll send you my phone number if you need to talk or I can phone you!
Love you,
Vicky :0)
I don't know if you like hearing from me, but I hated nursing and when I switched to the bottle it was the best day of my life! Taylor wanted to nurse all the time and I felt like I had NO freedom. Your milk is great to keep her nice and healthy. It's free. Maybe you're not producing enough. Looking back, I wonder if that is what my problem was. You can do both nursing and bottle and see how you like it. Since you guys are students, I am sure you have access to free formula somewhere. And, it's ok if you don't like the "newborn" stage. I kept wondering why everyone else "enjoyed" my baby more than me. Then he got older and I LOVED it. I have a friend who LOVES the newborn stage more than the toddler stage and I LOVE the toddler stage. Everyone is different. Call me WHENEVER. Sometimes it's nice to talk to another mom when you're frustrated.
It's ok to make yourself happy. Being a mom is about sacrifice, but it doesn't need to make you unhappy and super frustrated!
It is all worth it. I have talked to several people about it and I felt the same way most of the time. It gets better. Do you still check facebook? I will send you a message on it.
So first of all, Everyone is different...as you know...so my experience may be different than yours. Every mother and baby has a different story. What works for me may not work for you, but it might...I didn't really enjoy nursing until about 2.5 -3 months. I remember mom telling me that the baby's mouth is so small and has a hard time learning how so to keep with it. It seemed like pinching and such a struggle to latch on. I also remember those 4 hour feedings and the more I nursed, the more milk I got later so it hurt even worse a couple of hours later when I was full and the baby was asleep or not hungry. Once my babies got older, bigger and more experienced, then I really started actually enjoying it. I didn't really notice this with #1 because it happened gradually. With #2, I remember at about 2 months suddenly thinking, "Oh yeah, I like nursing! This is fun!" It was also easier the second time because one of us had some experience. My suggestion would be to keep trying because, as you said it is the best thing for your baby and it is free! Remember, you are also being blessed because you are taking such good care of one of Heavenly Father's sweet babies. Your efforts are not unseen to Him. That is sometimes hard because as a mother, you do so much for your kids and feel like the majority of it goes unseen and unappreciated...Especially with a baby because they can't tell you thank you, yet. So, remember that every act of kindness, love and service that you give Kailyn, is noticed and appreciated by Heavenly Father. He is aware of you and your little family.
I'm a friend of Stephanie's. I sometimes read your blog...hope that's okay. The fact that you're nursing is amazing. It's so so so hard.I was pretty sure I wasn't going to be able to do it for very long. It will get better. I promise. Have you tried pumping just to see how much milk she might be getting? My sister in law was having the same problem as you are...nursing all the time. So, she pumped and it turned out she didnt have enough milk. So, she supplemented with formula. Which is great! Dont give up on nursing.
I hope everything works out for you!!
oh Kasey, I'm sorry about that! I've never gone through it, so I can't really tell you from experience, even though I've heard it is way worth it. But, I did want to tell you that one of my sisters had a REALLY hard time of it for awhile with her first, and it was just so so hard, that she eventually decided it was best to stop...Now I know that is not what you want to do, and she felt the same way, but after she had tried for a few months and it was just making everything horrible, she was told by her lactation specialist that it was ok...she knew what was best for her and her baby, and not to worry if she decides that what is best is to stop. Just wanted to let you know that, so that you know you aren't alone!!! Hope it gets better!!! Oh, and one more thought...have you ever tried to pump? My friend has done this from the beginning, so that she'll have a lot of bottles on hand, and it's still the same milk...doesn't have quite the same "bonding" effect, but it may help you to rest more when she needs to eat at all the times when you are just exhausted. And it will allow Garratt to help feed her, from the bottle...just another thought. love ya.
You've got a lot of comments already. I only have one thing to recommend--call Marilee. She's REALLY good at the whole nursing thing and can really help you if you still want to nurse. She's compassionate and understanding and she won't try to talk you into doing something you don't want to do.
You'll be okay and so will your baby. You're doing good things.
I echo what many have said before me... good work for sticking with it! I totally know how difficult it is and I was on the verge of quitting lots of times, especially when I saw how easy it was for other mom's that just whipped up a bottle and could feed baby with no pain and less frequently. However, it was the best decision for me to keep trying and now I LOVE nursing. However, it isn't for everyone- you may not be making enough milk or the baby may have some issues, like you said. Have you tried pumping? I love having Thomas feed her every once in a while, especially so I can sleep. This will help your milk production too if it is low. I did a lot of reading about fussy babies and breastfeeding on the internet and in books (I can suggest some good ones) and felt a lot better after being able to identify what my baby was dealing with and felt a lot more validated and kept trying. Have you tried a nipple shield or some nipple cream with steroid? I recommend "Soothies" sold at Walgreens for nipple relief in between feedings. Also, I loved going to a breastfeeding support group. They are usually free and are run by a lactation consultant. It was nice to get out and you can feed your baby there while getting a lot of feedback from other moms. Remember, you are a hero to that baby! The attachment will come- it is a myth that it forms instantly soon after birth. It takes work and time. Things will get better!
You rock, Kasey!! Seriously, from one new mom to another, you totally rock. It is hard work to not only get the little one here, but to take care of her (or in my case him). Let me know if I can help in anyway. I really would love to help out-I am only a call away.
Call me. I am home all the time. The biggest thing a new mother needs is someone to talk to. I always feel sooo much better after i vent to someone! Call me anytime. I am always home or with my cell and if i don't answer i'll usually call you right back! Hang in there! I know its hard, but you can do it!!
Kasey Michelle, it makes me cry to read that you're having such a trying time. I wish I culd make you feel better. I only nursed for a month, and it wasn't horrible, but I just didn't like doing it that much. I am sure that your doctors and nurses and lactation specialists have all listed all the important reasons for nursing, but I want to tell you a few that I thought were the best (selfish reasons).
1 It will help you get back to your pre-baby weight sooner. Yay skinny Kasey.
2. it will lower your chances of getting certain cancers (breast, ovarian, uterine?) Maybe true, maybe not. Either way, who wants cancer, right?
I think those are encouraging reasons. Its been about a week since you wrote all this and I hope you're feeling better. See you soon.
I may get in trouble for saying this but... if it is that stressful for you than it's not worth it. Formula is ok, expensive, but ok. Gets some sleep and ENJOY this stage in your life, it passes all too quickly! Don't sweat the small stuff. Hugs!
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